After months of feeling listless, I am feeling much, much better!
I was stuck in a very negative cycle. I would be uninterested in completing a task and justify the delay by saying, “I can finish it later.” The next day, I would berate myself for failing to do anything and resigned myself to adding another item to a long list of things that needed to be done.
Many times, I woke up thinking that I was going to get some stuff done. However, as soon as breakfast was finished, I found so many excuses and distractions that stopped me from getting started on anything.
Last week, I finally had a sort of heart-to-heart with someone about how I have been feeling. They reassured me that it was okay; I was human. Even if I wasn’t 100% productive, I had a support network and it will always be there.
After many, many tears, I felt so much lighter and ready to try to increasing my productivity. I grabbed a half-filled notebook and wrote everything that needed to be done; every single task. Flipping to the next page, I wrote five small things that I already do without anything prompting, such as “eat breakfast” and “listen to music.” Under those items, I wrote five tasks that were listed on the previous page.
On Monday, I quickly checked off the “easy” items by noon. While I ate lunch, I had my list next to me. Seeing half of the list already done was a huge motivator. By dinner, I completed three of the five “hard” tasks.
The rest of the week went similarly. My “easy” tasks are mostly done within the first hour of waking up. I was unable to complete all five “hard” in one day, but I just breathed deeply and let it go. Most days, I managed at least one “hard” item, except for Wednesday. That day, I was extremely tired and it was difficult to get all the “easy” ones checked off.
I am writing this post to mark the week I started to put effort into my life again. Hopefully, it will serve as a reminder that it is possible to feel better whenever I get stuck in another depressive loop.