It has been one month after I made the commitment to write in my journals more frequently. Luckily, I remembered to add the date to each entry. Turns out I wrote every 1-3 days, which is not bad considering I expected an entry once a week. Overall, I managed to write 16 days out of the past 31. Wow! Looking back on what I recorded and what I experienced, I can confidently say that all those articles and blog posts about the benefits of daily writing were right.
The notebook entries started out rather dark. Each page had words that berated myself for every single, minuscule mistake. I noted down the numerous headaches, sore muscles, and any other ailments that I was experiencing. More than one page was filled with the problems that just wouldn’t fix themselves no matter what solution I had come up with. I would often predict what my future would entail if I did not fix my attitude. Once in a while, something positive would pop up, but they were rare.
After two weeks of almost daily journaling, my entries became lighter and more random. I started to jot down notes about funny things that I saw. Nowadays, I write self-deprecating entries about 1/3 of the time. I became more focused and included plans for what to do today and tomorrow.
Outside the writing atmosphere, I just realized yesterday that my negative thoughts had less pain to them. Instead of sounding like my personal Joker, the voice in my head sounded more like a whiny teenager. Granted, some days the teenager is still on the verge off jumping a cliff. Hopefully my writing goal can help can release more of thoughts on paper instead of on skin.
I also discovered there is a lot I want to record, especially on days when I forgot my journal at home. I became frustrated with myself because I knew the thoughts would be gone within the hour. In the past week, I finally moved my locked journal out of the drawer and into my backpack. This way, the other journal would sit in my regular messenger bag and I would always be able to scribble any inane idea I desired to record.
Oddly, I discovered that my brain is very chatty around two in the morning. Some nights I would wake up for no apparent reason – no nightmares, no loud noises, etc. Unable to determine the cause, I would either roll around in bed or read a book. This month, I decided to try writing my thoughts since I was most likely awake from anxiety. I expected about five sentences would get written since my mind was still half asleep. Instead, I filled a good three pages connecting the most random things when normally they would exist as disjoint thoughts.
My schedule has not adjusted enough to leave some time in the morning for a writing session. I will keep working to achieve that. I wonder if I can fill up both of my general journals before the year is done…